The Crusader castle diary of Useless

Crac’s sloping glacis was so big it was called the Mountain. My heap of pencil shavings is called the Mountain too. Nobody wants to climb it either. ICOMOS evaluation for UNESCO: Crac des Chevaliers and Qal’at Salah El-Din (2006)

Loops were narrow openings for shooting at an enemy. My pencil case has a narrow opening too. It is for losing pens. ICOMOS evaluation for UNESCO: Crac des Chevaliers and Qal’at Salah El-Din (2006)

Crac des Chevaliers means Crac of the Knights. Useless des Erasers means… still Useless. ICOMOS evaluation for UNESCO: Crac des Chevaliers and Qal’at Salah El-Din (2006)

Acre’s Hospitallers had a vaulted toilet room 10 metres tall, with rows of eight seats. Ten metres! I would need a ladder to reach the light switch. Old Akko & Nazareth Development Company: The Knights Halls

A sewer 1.5 metres tall ran right across Acre to the sea. I am an eraser, not a plumber. Next note, please. Old Akko & Nazareth Development Company: The Knights Halls

The Order’s symbol is a white eight-pointed cross. I am a block with eight corners. Nobody has ever made me a badge. Museum of the Order of St John: History of the Order

Saladin and Richard the Lionheart were enemies, yet Saladin sent doctors when Richard was ill. When I was ill, the pencil sent nothing. Not even a doodle. Old Akko & Nazareth Development Company: Timeline

The wall round medieval Rhodes is 4 kilometres long. I once rubbed out a line 4 centimetres long. I needed a lie-down. UNESCO World Heritage Centre: Medieval City of Rhodes

Each of the Order’s seven “tongues” had its own inn. Seven tongues, and not one of them ever said thank you to an eraser. UNESCO World Heritage Centre: Medieval City of Rhodes

Fort St Angelo took 69 direct hits in the Second World War and is still standing. One ruler fell on me and I lost a corner. Heritage Malta: Fort St Angelo

Next to Kolossi castle are the ruins of a 14th-century sugar mill. If I were a knight, that is where you would find me. Deputy Ministry of Tourism, Cyprus: Kolossi Medieval Castle

Karak Castle is called a dark maze of stone-vaulted halls and endless passages. That is also how I describe the back of the classroom cupboard. Jordan Tourism Board: Karak

The Round Church in London was designed to recall a round church in Jerusalem. I am designed to recall where you left your homework. I usually don’t. The Temple Church: History

Probably no more than two knights lived at Temple Manor all the time. Two knights, one big hall. Imagine the echo. English Heritage: History of Temple Manor

Saladin’s castle is a narrow triangle 720 metres long. I am a rectangle 4 centimetres long. We are both very proud of our shapes. ICOMOS evaluation for UNESCO: Crac des Chevaliers and Qal’at Salah El-Din (2006)

The Hospitallers began by running a hospital for pilgrims who fell ill. I began by rubbing out a smiley face. Everybody starts somewhere. Museum of the Order of St John: History of the Order